cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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