I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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