since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think I sprained my soul last night
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
