just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
