Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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