he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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