so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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