Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
