I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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