im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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