I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
