stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
