Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
