Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
