Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
