Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's shark week go big or go home
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
