as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
