very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Sorry about my life...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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