What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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