is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
