haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
