I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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