Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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