There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize