I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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