Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
