His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
