The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
