I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I think I sprained my soul last night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
