Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
