Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
