no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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