The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
