just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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