Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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