Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Your tits are I can't wait for
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
