And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
