I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
