He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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