I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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