I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
