oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
