Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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