i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
