i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
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Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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