I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
