I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
