no, he came in my armpit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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