The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
