May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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