i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
