I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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