i need an iv and a liver transplant
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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