i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
