I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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