i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
