remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
