My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
