Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
