he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize