I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
