Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
