I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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