can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
