Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize