did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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