i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
